34 things to expect when you move to New York
In September 2013, I packed up my life in Ireland and became a walking cliché: the girl who moves to New York to ‘make it’ as a writer.
This is what I found.
New York is a fundamentally weird and idiosyncratic place. The less you expect normality, the easier it will be to adjust.
You will get a lot of mail that isn’t for you. I’ve gotten more than enough mail addressed to my apartment’s former tenant that I could steal her identity if I were so inclined.
The exterminator comes once a month and sprays the perimeter of each room with foul smelling toxins. It’s best to leave right after. It’s also best not to ask any questions about the contents of the spray.
Toilets are weird. The water level is very high and they flush in very dramatic fashion. Some of them flush automatically which is terrifying.
It’s best to pretend that you don’t see the mice/rats/other vermin that scurry around. In the interest of self protection, you’ll soon learn to automatically avert your eyes.
It can be cheaper to order in than cook. Seamless is your friend.
There are twelve kinds of coffee and six types of milk in my local coffee shop. You will be asked to make a huge quantity of decisions on a daily basis.
The most frequent question you’ll be asked is: debit or credit?
Carry cash. Some of the sweetest places don’t take card.
People expect organic produce as if it were oxygen.
Every woman in Park Slope is pregnant, owns a large dog and has a kid (or 2) in a stroller. Don’t get in the way of the strollers. They will run you over.
There are dogs of all sizes and breeds everywhere. Apparently rates of doggy ownership shot up after 9/11. At first, I judged dogs in outfits and dogs with shoes. After spending an icy winter in NY, I don’t judge anymore. People treat their dogs like children. Do not approach.
New Yorkers have an odd relationship to personal space. It’s a crowded city; we’re all living on top of one another. And yet, the invisible wall means that you’re not supposed to catch the gaze of your fellow subway riders. However if you read on the subway, people will read over your shoulder.
Get used to domestic rows happening on the streets. (e.g. “You don’t love me!” “Baby, I do love you, baby”). Every night, 8pm, like clockwork.
It’s a paranoid city. People are watchful and cautious. Respect that.
There’s almost nothing that you can’t do alone. The city provides entertainment at every turn.
Don’t try to go to every opening/event/social engagement. Much of joy and quirkiness of New York is best observed by just walking the city. You’ll see raw humanity on every corner.
At events, people focus more on instagraming than listening. Everybody’s on Apple.
There are powerful women everywhere. I’ve lost count of the number of panel events I’ve attended where there’s a silent token man. (This is also because of the events I frequent, but the presence of powerful women has struck me more here than anywhere else I’ve ever lived.)
People talk/sing/dance to themselves on streets and subways. And yet, you’re considered strange if you randomly try to talk to them. Accept that direct-ness is a New Yorker’s modus operandi.
There’s a palpable lack of solidarity with folks who are down on their luck. I saw a young black man targeted by an aggressive police force, and an unfortunate homeless men being mercilessly humiliated. New York embraces successful people, and ignores those who struggle.
Street harassment is everywhere. (Some) men can be brazenly misogynistic. Sunglasses, headphones and long hemlines make life easier.
New York’s rental market is worthy of its reputation. My toothless, bra-less, screaming, Italian 90-year-old super is just about the craziest human I’ve ever met.
Everyone you meet has a really interesting job. Or at least, a fascinating job title. This city is built on personal branding.
Don’t wear headphones all the time. You’ll miss out on the best over-heard conversations.
There are a serious amount of planes flying in and out all the time.
There seem to be a lot of gas leaks.
The novelty of doing laundry at one of those laundromat places wears off very quickly.
As an Irish person, it’s never worthwhile to try to explain what a hot press is.
During winter, you’ll need one of those unattractive lagging jacket style coats.
Watch you bank account. I was ‘accidentally’ recruited for a bunch of direct debits that I didn’t ask for. Demand it, and you will get your money back.
Learn the difference between UPS (the courier company) and USPS (the United States Postal Service). Post boxes are blue. Those other structures that I attempted to put my letters in are water tanks.
Notice the aroma of New York - it’s not always good, but it is distinctive.
Celebrate the everyday. Life in New York is intense and overwhelming. Stop and absorb the chaos.
